Sex offender registries are readily available in every state for public viewing online. Also, you can look someone up on the internet and find out about them without resorting to a registry, which includes learning that a person is a convicted and registered sex offender. There are those who do background checks. Unethical potential employers might “spill the beans” on a particular applicant being an RSO. Others may have a background check ran on someone for whatever reason, including trying to ruin their reputation. Cheap newspaper tabloids publicizing the mugshots of people who have been jailed are easy to find, such as at some convenience stores, and sometimes these papers run special “sex offender editions” where the photos of local RSOs are published.
The stigma of having been in prison, being a convicted felon, is already a challenge to overcome, but there are advocates for nonsexual offenders out there. The stigma of being an RSO is a much taller mountain to climb. For over a generation now, we have had the sex offender registry. For nearly as long, residency restriction laws have been on the books. Psychiatrists and psychologists have said there is no cure for those who commit sex crimes. Politicians have capitalized on “stranger danger” and the “incurability” of RSOs, extolling grossly inflated recidivism numbers and manipulating the public into believing that RSOs are unredeemable. Crime and detective shows place us on a tier somewhere below the lowest sewer sludge. With all this fearmongering and misinformation, registered sex offenders have become modern-day lepers and pariahs. Therefore, when we go out into the world to live our lives, people all around us have this mindset that RSOs are ravenous perverts without hope or help, monsters who need to be kept on a very short leash since we cannot be legally gunned down.
And then there is that availability of information on the internet and in other sources, including information about us. Like it or not, no matter how private you try to be, sooner or later someone is going to find out about your past and your status as an RSO. It has happened to me before.
In my first job after getting out of prison, the very same supervisor who interviewed and hired me tried to get me in trouble. In fact, I suspect that she hired me to deflect from what she was doing. One of my responsibilities was to run the cash register. There were either shortfalls or excesses of money, mostly shortfalls, when I ran it, and with God as my witness I never stole a dime. Someone else was stealing money, most likely her, I believed. A casual remark made by her about how folks would not like knowing about my background clued me in on what was happening.
A couple of years later I appeared in one of those “sex offender editions” of those tabloids mentioned earlier. A college professor at the technical college I was attending told me he intercepted one because I was in it and he did not want there to be trouble for me at the school. Around the same time, while I was still attending AA meetings someone brought this same tabloid and was showing it around to others, making some people very uncomfortable or even hostile towards me.
What happened? In neither case did I respond with wisdom, at least not at first. As for the employment, I should have immediately left that job. At the time I was in the initial 90-day probationary period of employment, employed in an “at-will employment” state, and I was not just a convicted felon but also an RSO. If it came down to my word against the supervisor’s, they would have believed her without a second thought even though I was innocent of any wrongdoing. As it was, I did quit, but only after her constant badgering me on the job one day angered me to the point where I had to get out of there before I lost my temper. I did find out a few years later that this supervisor had been fired. Her shady activities finally caught up with her. As for AA, I initially was infuriated, but I did find Celebrate Recovery which was much better for me. I left the contradictory and hypocritical world of AA behind.
What I went through was not pleasant, but it was much less serious than what others on the registry have experienced. On November 17, 2024, registered sex offender Jesse Grover of Pennsylvania was shot to death by a man named Portez Smith. In 2012, RSOs Gary Blanton and Jerry Ray in the state of Washington were killed in the same manner. The perpetrator, Patrick Drum, was on the way to kill a third registrant when he was apprehended. The following year, in South Carolina, RSO Charles Parker and his wife, Gretchen, who was not on the registry, were murdered by Jeremy and Christine Moody. The Moodys had already targeted another person on the registry when law enforcement apprehended them. [1]
Not all RSOs are convicted pedophiles, but many mistakenly believe they are. Pedophiles or not, it is illegal to murder another human being, including an RSO. There is a specific type of activism, however, against convicted pedophiles, anti-pedophile activism, which encompasses social actions against those accused of such crimes [2] , and readily available public information about RSOs helps to facilitate their activities. The activities performed by these vigilante groups are not limited to murder. They also include harassment, including against the families of people accused of such crimes and those who have been falsely accused; doxxing; blackmailing; and physical attacks. Some people have committed suicide after being accused. [3]
There are other actions exercised against RSOs that are less violent but no less hurtful emotionally. Those who want to date will sometimes find themselves being rejected once the potential romantic partner learns of their past. Some do not wait to be told but look the suitor up on the internet beforehand—or else their family does. For those of us who are Christians we face rejection by churches and fellow believers. Those of us who do this podcast have faced such rejection as well as ostracization, gossip, slander, and criticism regularly.
The list of things that RSOs face can go on and on, but let’s get to the heart of the matter. We have established the easy access that the public has to information about RSOs, the reality that you will be found out sooner or later, and some of the consequences that can result. So if you are busted out as an RSO, what should you do? How should you handle it?
Ahead of time, know and understand that it is going to happen. When it does, not everyone is going to be against you, especially if you have established a good reputation for yourself. There will be people who will see you as you are now, not as you used to be, and they will respect and encourage you. As for those who will dislike you, for all the fact that there have been cases of deadly violence against RSOs, most people will simply talk about you behind your back. That is not good, but it is preferable to being murdered. Accept the fact that you will be talked about. Everyone gets talked about even if they have no criminal record. But should you find out what they are saying, do not let their lies, slander, or hateful words define you. Stand on who you are now, not what your criminal record says.
Also, no matter what the provocation, do not let others goad you into losing your temper. Whenever possible, walk away from these situations if you are being teased or badgered about your past. Should this happen at work, go to your supervisor. If your boss does not have your back then start looking for another job as soon as you can. Situations may arise that could force you to quit. Do not quit unless you have no other choice, you have another job to fall back on, or if you have support which makes you able to afford to quit. If you work a dangerous job, be on the lookout for sabotage. Don’t live in a world of paranoia, but do check to make sure that whatever machine you use or whatever area you work in has not been tampered with. If it has, report it to your supervisor. You cannot always prove that if something has been sabotaged, it is because of your status as an RSO, so use discretion in how you present the situation to your boss. As in the case of teasing or badgering, if the boss does not have your back, get out of there, preferably by acquiring another job first, and while you are still at your present job, be doubly aware of the condition of your workplace surroundings and any machinery you have to use.
If you use computers a lot, and in these modern times many do, guard your device. It would not do for an unscrupulous coworker who resents you because you are an RSO to do anything with your computer that could get you fired or, worse yet, get you in serious legal trouble for something you did not do. In general, regardless of where you work, be an exemplary worker. Make an effort to get along with your colleagues and be a team player. If someone at work looks you up and finds out that you are an RSO, your positive persona will go a long way towards mitigating any negativity. If it does not then they do not deserve to have you as a coworker or employee.
Choose your friends carefully. You cannot live in a nonstop state of suspicion and remain emotionally healthy. At the same time, you must not carelessly tell everybody everything about yourself. Be a true friend and a good human being. Let people get to know you before you reveal your past. If they find out about you before you have the chance to share that information yourself, you will have gotten off to a good start by making a favorable impression.
Be a good neighbor where you live. Be courteous, but mind your own business. In a number of places law
enforcement is required to notify people when a sex offender is moving into the neighborhood so in those cases your neighbors will already know about you anyway. Whether they know about your RSO status or not, do not give them any cause to suspect you of being up to no good. Not only could you open yourself up to detrimental false accusations or setups, it could also make you the target of vigilantes.
If vigilantes do come after you, as a convicted felon you cannot legally own a firearm, so use whatever else you can to defend yourself: A baseball bat (preferably metal), a machete or other knife, a metal bucket, or whatever else you can get your hands on. The best way to deal with vigilantes is, if at all possible, to block their access to you so that you can call the police. Swallow your distrust of law enforcement and make the call. The police may not like you because you are an RSO, but they are sworn to uphold the law and these officers will arrest people who are trying to harm you, or who have harmed you, because of your past record. If law enforcement fails to do its job then you can pursue civil or even criminal action against them.
Being on the sex offender registry is not easy. Even though you may have been out of prison for a very long time and no longer commit crimes, many people will look at you as “once a sex offender, always a sex offender” when they find out about your past. The good thing is, not all will be so mean or judgmental. The registry and its requirements constitute both retribution and a life sentence, even though officials deny both. Until or unless the registry and the residency restriction laws are abolished, you have to deal with living as an RSO. People are going to find out about you, and various things can happen.
A certain mental toughness is required to live life on the registry. If you cave in and become despondent, people will have little or no mercy. Besides, if you are reformed and no longer commit sex crimes, do you really want to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you crumble and give up on life? Not me. I want to live, but I would rather leave this world having lived my life in spite of the difficulties of being an RSO than live as a shell of a man who has surrendered to being everyone’s punching bag. Rejoice in who you have become, a person who no longer offends. Do not let the past or others’ criticism of you define you. Life is possible as an RSO, quality life, and there will be those who will be on your side. Use due diligence and take steps to protect yourself, but do not let the knowledge that you will be busted out sooner or later deter you from living your life and getting the most out of it that you can.
REFERENCES
[1] https://merionwest.com December 20, 2024, article by Sandy Rozek and John Dawe, “Vigilantism and the Sex Offender Registry.” Retrieved 12/21/2024; some paraphrasing.
[2] Wikipedia article “Anti-Pedophile Activism.” Retrieved 12/21/2024; some paraphrasing.
[3] Ibid.; some paraphrasing.
