Convicted sex offenders face a lot of challenges. Even in jail and prison their lives are in danger if they are not segregated from other types of inmates or if they are not sent to majority-sex offender prisons. The obstacles lying in wait upon their release from prison are also daunting. If possible, the best thing to do first is to take a few days to readjust to being outside again. Most RSOs are subject to proximity laws dictating where they can live, work, or pursue recreation. Whether they are bound by such restrictions or not, they have to comply with the legal requirements of registration and updating various types of personal information at the local sheriff’s office. Being on parole or probation brings additional restrictions such as a curfew, mandatory counseling and possibly a periodic polygraph test (all of which are expensive), perhaps the wearing of an ankle monitor (often with a fee of its own), et cetera. Then there is the sex offender label and its accompanying stigma. The deck truly is stacked against RSOs, so when you get out of prison, what do you do?
First of all, your spiritual and mental condition matter. We realize that a lot of people, including RSOs, are not Christians and are not seeking to be such. However, we must tell you that once you are saved by Jesus Christ (born again) you will never be the same. When you are saved, the Holy Spirit (the Spirit of God) comes to live within your spirit, bringing life to that spirit which was once dead in sin. God gives you strength that you can never have within yourself, the ability to endure any hardship and overcome any challenge, and most precious of all, you can have a relationship with God Himself. The Spirit of God will strengthen your mind as well.
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
John 6:37, 44: “All that the Father gives Me I will by no means cast out.”…“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.”
John 14:6: Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”
Romans 10:6-17: But the righteousness of faith speaks in this way, “Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’ ” (that is, to bring Christ down from above) or, “ ‘Who will descend into the abyss?’ ” (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.”
How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, who bring glad tidings of good things!” But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, “LORD, who has believed our report?” So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
Romans 8:14-17: For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs with God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
Galatians 5:16: I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. If you are not born again and you sense that you need Jesus Christ, that is not you but the Spirit of God dealing with you and God the Father inviting you. Accept Christ immediately if possible. Next, find a church, a Christian family member or friend or acquaintance, whatever it takes. If you want a Christian you know to help lead you to Jesus then do so. We also have a resource telling you how to be saved that you can access on our main website, which you can access here.
Again, whether you are a Christian or not, your mindset is very important in getting out of prison and rejoining the “free world.” The system is set up for returning sex offenders to fail. If you are looking for affirmation from this system or are otherwise trying to prove you have changed, forget it. They don’t care, they don’t believe you can change, and that is the blunt truth of the matter. Certain individuals in the system may care, but as a whole the system’s idea is for you to stumble, fall, and get locked up again because they don’t want you out here in the free world to begin with. Save yourself a lot of heartache by not seeking approval or affirmation from people who are a part of the system, whether they be parole and probation officers, sheriff’s deputies, sex offender counselors, and so forth. If you indeed have changed or are determined to change so that you do not commit sex crimes anymore, make up your mind on this and stand on it. Determine that no matter what obstacles you face, you are a better person now than you were in the past and that you will succeed not only in rebuilding your life but also living it. If, by any chance, someone from the system does recognize positive changes in you, be grateful for that but do not change your strategy for success.
As far as you are able, comply with the system, but remember: Less is more. If you are a changed person then you should be a law-abiding citizen, but every detail of your life is not the system’s business. Give them only what they require. If you believe that even their requirements are stepping over a boundary, do not let on that you feel that way, just give them what you feel that they need to know. We are not advocating that you break the law. Understand that. But don’t be a fully open book to the system, either.
Of all the things a returning registered citizen can do, reintegration into society is one of the most important. A label depersonalizes someone. If all that folks know you as is as a registered sex offender, the stereotypes associated with us will fill their minds. They will hate you and will find it easier to view you as something less than human or, worse yet, as a thing worthy of hatred and even being harmed. In this age of the internet and social media it is easier than ever to depersonalize and hate those labeled as “undesirables” in society.
For example, the biggest failing of the project that has come to be known as Miracle Village just outside of Pahokee, Florida, was the isolating of its residents from society. This project to help returning registered citizens was born out of godly love and compassion, but fell short because this isolation led to lack of reintegration which, in turn, exposed these residents to the unrelenting hatred and resentment of the ignorant. In some situations, such as when applying for a job or for housing, you must be up front with those whom you are dealing with. More on that shortly. But for the purposes of socializing, people do not need to know all about your past right away. As they get to know you, they see a person. When it is the right time to share, which will have to be determined by you, then you can share your past to those you have come to trust. Some will still reject you, but others will be able to see beyond the sex offender label and see you as you are, a changed human being. In reintegrating, however, be cautious about how much you share of yourself in the workplace. Although it is not uncommon for some people’s friends to be coworkers, because you are in the workplace, in an environment where you have to deal with other people regardless of how they would feel about you personally if they knew you are an RSO, exercise greater discretion and restraint as to whom you reveal your past among those you work with.
Knowing that a number of prospective employers either will not hire or are hesitant to hire convicted felons, particularly RSOs, the temptation can be great to lie on job applications. Don’t lie. Tell the truth. Because you have a criminal record, trust in you is already diminished. If you lie on an application then not only will that reduce your credibility further, the fact that you did this will follow you around when you go to apply for other jobs. Besides, employers have the ability to do background checks on you and they will show your criminal history. Likewise, there are places where it will be difficult or impossible to obtain housing. Even so, be honest with whomever you deal with in trying to rent a place to live. And know this: Whether in jobs or in housing, there are also those who will hire you and rent to you. You have to be persistent and positive.
A thorny problem to navigate for many registered citizens is the issue of proximity laws, as we indicated at the beginning. States have rules governing where RSOs can and cannot live. You will either have to contact your local sheriff’s department or go online to find out what the laws are for your area. For those of you who do not have this problem, be thankful. For those of you who do, you have no choice but to obey these restrictions, however ridiculous they may be. Take comfort in the fact that there is a sex offender advocacy movement that is growing. A lot of progress has yet to be made, but progress has already taken place. Also, and this is where being born again is another major advantage, as your heavenly Father, God will provide. He may not just drop places to live and work right into your lap, but if you get out there and do the legwork to find a job and a residence He will help you.
Now we revisit the area regarding social interaction. Building relationships with others always involves risk, especially in the area of romance. Whether you are seeking friendships or a romantic relationship, rejection is possible. There are those, as noted earlier, who will reject you because of your past. It will hurt, but you cannot let such rejection define you because if you do, it will defeat you. Look upon each person who rejects you as someone who was not supposed to be in your life. Cherish those who accept you.
In the search for churches, be aware of the fact that there are some which will reject you while others will require you to abide by some sort of contract which may have a few, some, or many stipulations on what you can or cannot do or where you can or cannot be when attending church services. Avoid such churches, as they are bound up in insurers’ recommendations, secular counselors’ beliefs, or other unbiblical viewpoints and methods. Attend churches that either will not hold you to such at all or will do so only in a probationary period and who will be willing to accept you. Likewise, as much as you are able, be certain that they at least believe that the Bible is God’s inerrant Word, that Jesus is God and that He is the only way to salvation. Go online, find the churches you are considering, and look for a section on what they believe. If you are a parolee or a probationer you may be restricted from attending a church. For you, church online will have to serve, but if you can make Christian friends and reach out to them then fellowship outside of a church building is still viable.
And of course, there is reintegration with your family if this is possible. This is such an important topic that it will be dealt with separately in our next blog. To reiterate: Have a positive mindset no matter what you have to face when returning from prison. Take a few days to readjust to being outside if you can. Be sure to reintegrate into society. Tell the truth when applying for jobs and housing. Use discretion when sharing your past, and know that there are those who will hire, house, and accept you. If you are not a Christian that is your choice. However, you cannot go wrong with being saved, and having the Lord’s support is priceless.
